Brokenness

Broken into a million pieces was I.  Not knowing where to go, I turned to the One who would know this best, Jesus.  Letting Him sit with me was great, but there was still more that needed to be done.  There were still a million broken pieces laying everywhere.  Coming to the Lord daily and sitting in the brokenness, I was left searching for what to do with all the broken pieces.  Little did I know, that God wanted all of these million pieces of the broken me.  All along I thought I was giving Him all of these pieces, but little did I know I was still holding onto some of the really sharp ones that hurt too much and/or there was too much fear in letting them be exposed. 
So as I sit here tonight, my heart is still in a million pieces and I am searching for Someone to put it back together.  I know I will never be the same person, but I am not suppose to be...I am a work in progress.  Letting the brokenness be exposed to the Light is what needs to be done, no matter how bad it hurts or what it costs.

The Father has to break us so He can heal us...wish I knew this more when I shattered, but nevertheless, it is never too late to find that healing in His scars!  Lord untie the knots in my heart and unlock the rooms in my heart that have been locked either by self, sin, or this world.

Real Love

Real love...to know that all my sins, hurts and pains are nailed to the Cross by the God who created me and died so I could have life eternally...that my friend is real love.  Do I always feel like I am loved...umm I would have to say no.  However, the way I feel does not take away what I know to be true; I am loved with an everlasting love and nothing can separate me from this love.  Lord I am ready to be loved, I am ready to be healed, I am ready to be forgiven, I am ready to forgive.

Got to talk to my dad tonight...it has been a while.  I may never get to hear the words "I am sorry", but that does not stop me from asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness.  I have an eternal Father who tells me I am forgiven and loved.  God is showing me how to love on a level I don't understand, but am ever so grateful that He is taking me there...HE is taking me there.

Sold Out

SOLD OUT! Two words that have become near and dear to me these past few days.  Sold out to what you may ask...?  Sold out to Jesus Christ and to Him alone.  To count it all as loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus as Lord...what my soul hungers and cries out for.  Nothing else in this world can quinch this thirst, but the living water from Him alone.  Sometimes I get the thought, "What have I been doing my whole life? Have I really layed down my all for Jesus or have I just said that I have?"  Two very hard questions that I have to come face to face with in front of a Holy and Righteous God.  I don't just want to go through this life and live, I want life...God life... living and breathing in and through me.   It's ok to be sold out to Jesus Christ, just don't expect it to be easy, but know that it is going to be worth it; HE is going to be worth it! Keep the Truth at the forefront of everything. 

Here is one of my lastest favorite songs.  Enjoy!

Fear

Fear...the other four letter word.  It keeps me locked up inside and the wall it creates is death!  There is a song by Tenth Avenue North that says "fear is just a lie, open up your eyes and He will break open skies to save those who cry out His name."  So instead of letting fear get the best of me, which I admit it has many, many times, I am going to let the Lord into each one of them...no matter how small, embarrassing, confusing, frustrating, or whatever.  I am tired of being afraid of fear.  I told myself when I was younger that I would never live in fear again.  I did that growing up, but it would no longer be something that enslaved me.  I am reminded of that daily, yet as I have gotten older telling myself that does not always work.  It only leaves me frustrated.  So here is a toast to fear and it's time of departure.  I admit that I am not going to miss her and am excited that she is on her way out.  If she decides to visit again, I will allow the Lord to get the door and send her on her way. 

^"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."
1 John 4:18

The Way of the Heart

Well what a day, what a week, what a month, what a year.  I have learned a lot about the way of the heart, in particular my own heart.  When my heart is in His hands, no matter what comes my way, I am ok.  However, when my heart is in my hands, which is a very bad idea, things go oh so wrong.  I have come to see that I am a very emotional person.  Yes, I am a woman, and yes we are emotional.  Some of use are more emotional than others.  I have learned that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to not protect my heart as I need to.  However the Lord wants to use me for His Kingdom is up to Him and needs to be fine with me.  I need to let my heart and mind rest in Him.  Read Psalms 91 today and versed 4-6 really stood out to me.

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
   and under his wings you will find refuge;
   his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
   nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
   nor the plague that destroys at midday.

What a sweet reminder in a time when things seem hard and the heart would just give up if it weren't for the firm grasp the Lord has on it.  I have decided and will continue to decide that He is going to be worth it all.  Yielding to Him and His ways everyday, every hour, every minute, every second of everyday.  My heart needs to rest in Him alone for I am His and He is mine.